I travel a lot. If you haven’t noticed, it’s probably because I don’t usually check in at the VIP lounge at the Rafic Hariri International Airport every time I travel. I hang out at the VNP instead, the duty free for Very Normal People, who fly economy on low cost airlines. I keep on trying to convince people that the only difference between low cost airlines and normal airlines is in the services provided, not in the quality of the aircrafts, but with no luck. My sister is petrified every time I mention low cost, she thinks I am pulling a stunt by flying on low cost probably because she thinks that the planes are made in China (although, frankly, it is hard to believe that there is a thing that isn’t made in China). Beyond the lack of trust in low cost airlines, there is also the “prestige” factor. Let’s not forget that Lebanese are too proud to be on anything cheap! And if you happen to find a Lebanese traveller on a low cost flight (and you’ll find many), they’ll pretend they didn’t find a seat on the “normal” flights.

 

Here are few tips to recognize a Lebanese traveller on your flight:

1-   Lebanese are always late; they are the last travellers to board the plane.

2-   Lebanese always have over weight luggage. At the check-in, you will see them emptying their bags and stuffing the extra load in their hand baggage rather than just paying for the excess baggage. They think that the airline is ripping them off, although airline baggage allowance is clearly highlighted on the ticket!

3-   Lebanese are the slowest when it comes to depositing their hand luggage in the overhead bins. No matter how many people are standing in the queue behind them; they’d even start a conversation with other seated travellers at the same time!

4-   Lebanese are never satisfied with their seats. They will do anything to move to business class (including shouting at the hostess) excluding buying a business class ticket…

5-   A group of Lebanese would always want to sit all next to each other and get angry at the hostess if she couldn’t accommodate their request.

6-   Lebanese do not believe in seat numbering. The seat numbers on their boarding passes are Chinese. There is no difference between a window seat and an aisle seat and if you dare to tell them that they are sitting in your seat, they’ll snap at you and ask you to take the next empty seat.

7-   Plane seating reveals rooted racism. Once someone moved to sit next to me because she refused to sit next to “the Ethiopian” in the back.

8-   As soon as they are seated, Lebanese start taking photos and selfies. (Check how many pictures of plane wings you have on your mobile and you will know that I am right.)

9-   Lebanese think turning off their mobile phones is just a silly regulation and if you ask the person sitting next to you to turn off his phone, he’ll tell you: “nothing happens, wallaw ya sheikh, I keep it on every time and we never crashed!”

10- Seat belts are as useful as car seat belts: They don’t use them! (same as the mobile phones, silly rules!)

11- Lebanese are loud: A trip from Sharjah to Beirut was an opportunity for me to practice my French with all the French-speaking Lebanese ladies and know all the Lebanese diaspora’s gossips.

12- Lebanese men eye up the hostesses and try to make a pass on them (regardless of the hostess age or level of beauty). There should be a porn movie with hostesses in it that can probably explain the source of this fantasy.

13- If ever the plane crashes, and you survive, you’ll most likely find food in a Lebanese traveller’s luggage. Although Rifai and Hallab have opened almost all over the world, Lebanese still insist on taking homemade food with them.

14- As soon as the plane lands, Lebanese clap. They clap so hard, that they probably wake up the captain who was running the plane on autopilot.

15-They then unfasten their seat belts and stand up, grab their hand luggage even before the plane stops (Now they are on a hurry, they forgot that they have caused the flight delay).

16- Lebanese are also the first travelers to switch their phones on when the plane lands, ignoring the hostesses’requests to keep the phones off. (What if Obama was trying to call?)

17- At the waiting area, at least five members of the family are waiting - often with roses and every time a traveller appears, they’ll make sure to ask: “Men wein? (Where are you traveling from?)”.

18- As soon as the person they are picking up appears, they’ll jump over the crowd and hug him, blocking the passage. For most travellers, they haven’t been away for more than a week… but what do you know? we are emotional people.

19- No one uses the airport parking; People keep on turning around the airport building until the person they are picking up shows up. It seems parking is as expensive as café matik’s sandwiches (the only food place at the airport, which probably justifies why sandwiches are sold at LBP 18000 and small water bottles at LBP 5,000).