I've been to some 15 countries so far and in each one of them I met locals who greeted me with: "Where are you from?" I am still not sure why people are so interested in knowing my origins and what difference the answer would make, but I answer anyway. "Lebanon," I reply proudly - which is usually followed by an excited "Oooh Beirut" or "Oooh Lubnan" as Turkish like to call it... There were times when my answer was faced with total confusion: "Lebanon? Where is that?" I have to say that this is my favorite line and a great reminder that we aren't the center of the universe. "Lebanon is in the Middle East... You know... small country? News headlines? Bordering Syria? War with Israel? Hezbollah? Does any of this ring a bell?" It usually takes those three magic words to make any foreigner's eyes glare as they jump to the next observation and set of questions:

1- "Lebanon? Beautiful women" - "You mean skilled plastic surgeons?" I usually reply. I should maybe take the comment as a compliment but they are certainly not referring to me but rather to the extremely well dressed ladies with “siliconed” noses and breasts, straightened hair, “botoxed”butts and faces that are covered with thick layers of make-up.

2- "Is it true that you can ski and swim on the same day?" The question isn't about whether you can do both activities on the same day but whether you can financially afford it. If you were lucky and made it from the ski slopes to the beach in an hour and avoided traffic (which in itself is a miracle), you'll probably be broke for the rest of the month. A day like that will typically cost you $500 at a minimum inclusive of entrance fees, food and beverage, gas, parking and... probably antibiotics... 

3- "Do you have camels?" If you ask me who is the person that you dream of meeting, it is definitely not the Pope or The Dalai Lama. The person I really want to meet is the one who posted a photo of a camel in Lebanon on the Internet! I'll even put a price on that person's head! We don't have deserts (we can ski and swim on the same day remember?), we don't ride camels... And the camel that you saw on the Internet is the last one standing and it is sitting in front of the Baalbeck ruins dying and waiting for a tourist to show up so that it can finally check that last wish on his bucket list and rest in peace. 

4- "The Lebanese accent is so... sexy". I have to say that this is my favorite comment especially that in many parts of Lebanon the dialect can be totally rough and lacks finesse and to me is a complete turn off. The best part is when the foreigner in question tries to showcase his Arabic skills and start using words from different dialects assuming that they are Lebanese. In most cases, the words used are either Syrian, Egyptian or Yemeni. 

5- "Is it safe?" This question infuriates me especially when it comes from an American or a European. I don't mean to be inconsiderate but the number of mass shootings and gun homicides in the States is higher than any other high income country according to statistics... A French friend panicked when she knew that the Islamic State has cells in Lebanon, as if the November massacre in Paris was masterminded by aliens... I will never pretend that Lebanon is safe but the only times I was robbed, it was in Washington and Paris... 

6-"Do you have Syrian refugees". I was looking for the exact number of refugees who crossed into Europe when I came across the following headline "More than a million migrants and refugees crossed into Europe in 2015, sparking a crisis as countries struggled to cope with the influx, and creating division in the EU over how best to deal with resettling people." Lebanon is hosting 1.2 million Syrian refugees since the beginning of the war in Syria over an area of 10,452km2 and has since managed to cope amazingly... Our coping mechanism deserves to be taught at universities in Europe... 

7- "Lebanon! Amazing food, the Shawarma, Hummus and Falafel..." Well I am not sure these are originally Lebanese. Lebanese food is certainly succulent but most of the dishes were influenced by other Middle Eastern cuisines mainly Syrian and Turkish... Probably one of the few things that we should thank the consecutive foreign occupations for...

8- "Oh, so you're Muslim!" First of all, why do you care? Second of all, you as a non-Arab is supposed to be secular (or so we, Arab think), so again, why does it matter? But since you've asked, you should know that Lebanon prides itself for two things: beautiful women and coexistence, both of them are fake. We have 18 different sects; some believe in the holy trinity, others in polygamy or reincarnation… But whether the faithful are rewarded with wine, virgins or a second life, they all worship the same thing: Politicians and Sect leaders.