Finding a job is like getting pregnant: You get off the contraceptives and you start trying. It might happen right away or it can take you months. Finding a job is also a full time job with all what it requires starting from updating your CV, writing motivational letters to filling in applications that seem to qualify you for a job in NASA...

My favorite part when hunting for a job though is the job interview; You're sitting in a room with total strangers who are trying to persuade you that they are very professional but deep inside you know that if they were to be offered a job at this very moment, they will accept it right away, because they, as well, hate their jobs! And then they start "interrogating" you and there is a total disconnect between what you are really thinking and what you hear yourself saying. Here's a sample of the most common interview questions and some ridiculous answers that go into your mind:

1- Tell us a bit about yourself?
Trust me, you really don't want to know, there is nothing interesting for you. But if you insist, I am a 30-something-old person who hasn't figured out their life yet like most of the candidates that you've interviewed before me although our resumes say otherwise.

2- Why do you want to leave your current job?
Well, how can I say this. I had a bad day, a really bad day. The kind of day you'd start drinking at 10:00 in the morning. I stared at my computer screen for a while and then I said fuck it! I got online and started looking for a job aggressively. I ended up applying for all the positions that had interesting titles. And you called... after 5 months! and I honestly don't remember what was the position I applied for but it is okay because now I am no longer upset at my job! I was just having a bad day then!

3- Why do you want this job?
Because I am passionate about this type of work... Oh wait, let's cut the crap! I need the money!

4- What do your co-workers say about you?
What is a more appropriate term for "bitch"?

5- How do you handle stress and pressure?
I drink!

6- What is your greatest achievement?
Getting out of bed in the morning to go to work when I've lost all motivation!

7- What is your salary expectation?
Can you give me one million dollars so that I don't have to be in a similar situation ever again?

8- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
There are only two answers to that: Either dead, or I'll be your supervisor and I will be firing you for asking stupid questions that you just found on the internet.