If talking burns calories, then a lot of people should be excessively skinny and I will be overweight. I am not completely mute, I enjoy a good conversation but small talk is not really my thing. I am not ashamed of saying that my brain has limited capacity and that I refuse to fill it with trivial information. It doesn’t make me less smart, it just makes me less tolerant to bullshit. 

 

One particular type of people really gets on my nerves. It is what I call “the football commentator” type. A person who feels the need to comment on every single thing to ensure uninterrupted broadcasting. This type is specifically annoying when you’re driving in your car and that person starts describing what he sees, scenery by scenery: Every billboard, every building, every new store. “Look at this building! Is it new? It wasn’t here last month? Who lives here? What is this store?” I am neither the mayor nor a real estate agent and in most cases, I don’t even live here, so how could I possibly know?

 

Another type is the “you are an oracle” type. This type of person acknowledges their shortcomings (fortunately) but thinks you’re an oracle. He/she asks you questions that even Google has no answers to and expects an answer. Looking at the menu: “What’s in that dish? Is the chicken good here?” How about you try it, I am not the chef! 

 

The third type is “the universe revolves around me” type. No matter what the conversation is, this type finds a way to digress from the original conversation to talk about himself/herself. This type, when paired with nagging and negativity, becomes a lethal combination and is hardly surmountable without a couple of Xanax pills and a bottle of wine or... an atomic bomb! 

 

Finally, there is the “interrupting” type, “the I have something to say and I am going to cut you off to say it” or even worse, “I am going to continue to talk although there are four separate conversations taking place at the same time and I will just speak louder.” Needless to say that what this person has to say is often completely irrelevant and has no intellectual value. 

 

Now imagine being stuck with a person that combines all four types, with no access to Xanax, tape, shovel, rope and a body bag!